Letting Go

The prompt: You come home late at night, after a hard day. The message light on the answering machine is blinking. You press play and listen. "Dumping you on graduation day was the worst mistake of my life. Terry and I didn’t work out—Terry—was the second worst mistake. I will be at La Petite tonight at eight. I asked the chef to prepare a lemon soufflé, and to put white tulips—your favorites—on the table. Please, please, come."

I froze, my hand hovering over the phone to delete the message. It had been years since I’d heard from Lynn. We hadn’t spoken since graduation day itself which had been one of the worst days of my life. And now to have it all coming back three years later, after I’d moved on and made a new life.

“So..” Anna stood in the doorway, the dark shadows obscuring her face. I looked at her in surprise. None of the lights had been on in our apartment and I hadn’t known she was standing there until she spoke. I hoped she hadn’t heard the message, or at least all of it.

Lynn hadn’t been her favorite person back when she and I were a couple, but after she’d broken up with me at graduation Anna’s feelings had grown stronger. “Hey!” I said, pasting a smile on my face. If Anna hadn’t heard I wasn’t going to tell her. It would only make things worse between us.

She frowned and glanced at the machine. My stomach churned. “Are you gonna go?”

So she had heard the whole thing. Or at least enough of it to get the gist. “What? Things with Lynn aren’t- I mean we haven’t spoken in-” I stumbled over my words trying to find a way to tell Anna what I was thinking. It was especially difficult considering even I didn’t know what I was thinking. Everything happened so quickly. I hadn’t had the chance to process yet. And Lynn, I’d been in love with Lynn. It was all those years ago, but I couldn’t quite shake the strength of what I felt for her.

“You’re going to go, aren’t you?” Anna sounded sad, not upset but resigned to the fact that it was out of her control.

That made my decision. “She dumped me at graduation, left me with mascara streaks on all my pictures and a summer that was suddenly too open. I’m not going back to her. I wouldn’t ever leave you for her.”

Anna took a step closer to me, coming out of the shadows and looked up into my eyes. “I don’t want to keep you from her if she’s going to make you happy. I don’t want to be that girlfriend, to guilt you into staying.”

“You’re not!” I burst out. I calmed myself and continued in a lower tone. “I want to be with you and I made that decision a year ago. I didn’t choose you as my backup.” In an attempt to convince her I pushed the delete button on the answering machine, clearing away Lynn’s voice for good. “There, see? It’s all gone.”

Anna smiled gratefully and her face relaxed for the first time that evening. I was glad that she was happy, but I couldn’t help but feel a slight twinge. For so long I had wanted nothing more than to receive a phone call like that, for Lynn to beg my forgiveness. It wasn’t what I wanted anymore, but still hard to let go completely.

I pushed these thoughts out of my head and matched Anna’s smile with my own. That was all in the past. I was happy here and now with Anna. That was all that mattered.